UNDERSTANDING WHO YOU ARE

When I first began to learn about Higher Laws it made me question all that I thought I knew.  If Higher Laws were real, which as I tried them out I came to know that they are, that must mean something bigger is going on in this life.  If something bigger is going on in this life, that must mean someone has a plan for us. Quite possibly even a plan for me.  As I wrestled with this idea I came face to face with years of believing this life is nothing more than the right now and that there is nothing really special about me.  It made me question what I thought I knew about who I am. 

In this life we can be told so many things about who we are. We get these messages from all around us, our parents, our friends, the people who don’t like us, the people we do like, the media. There is a constant barrage about what everyone else thinks we are and who we ‘should’ be. As teenagers we wrestle with the complexity of the battle within trying to match up our independence with the expectations of others. Although this battle is still alive and well within us as grown ups, it often goes under the radar. We try to ignore the criticism of our spouse or the negative comment of another parent from school but really they eat away at us just a little bit. As women we are given so many messages about who we need to be. We are told that we need to be smart but not nerdy smart, sexy but not sleazy, fun but not irresponsible. We feel we need to be superwoman…our clothes not only perfectly matching but also clean (if you have little babies you know how hard this one can be), our house spotless, the perfectly manicured lawn with an abundant flower and vegetable garden, our hair combed and perfect by the time we walk out the door and our makeup done to face the day. We are told we need to the the perfect wife, never nagging our husbands, the perfect mother, never being frustrated with our kids and always being the model of love and patience. We are told that we need to have it all figured out…our finances in order, our kids in every activity they can possibly do, be experts at cooking, cleaning, and even sex. The pressure of all the shoulds “shoulding” all over us is a weight that can drag us down into despair and a feeling of being not good enough. But what if all those expectations that we and others put on us are not true? What if they are not only not necessary but are the very things that would prevent us from being who we truly are and becoming who we are meant be? What if we don’t have to be perfect? What if we just need to be perfectly striving towards improvement and our potential? What if we have a divine heritage, purpose and destiny? 

Myths of who we believe we are 

I once spoke to a woman I admire who has been in this earth for much longer than I have and she shared one regret that she had in this life. One thing that if she knew when she was younger it would have saved her a great deal of heartache. When she told me I thought "wow that's so true!!” She told me that her one regret is that she noticed that wherever she was at in life she cheated herself into believing she was not enough...not skinny enough, not brave enough, not pretty enough. However when she had the benefit of looking back through the wise lenses of time, she saw that in fact she was enough.

This is so true isn’t it? I recall thinking to myself as a teenager "I'm so fat!" And yet as I look back at pictures during that time I was quite slim. In fact I was more slim than I have been since then and likely ever will be again. So why is it that we can rob ourselves of the joy within the now? What if right now at this very moment we are enough? What if the trials, struggles and experiences we are going through at this junction in time are exactly what we need to learn the lessons we need to learn? What if these lessons and who we are now are what is required to become who we truly are meant to be? What if we are enough...smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, brave enough? What if when we accept that we are enough that allows the door to opportunity to open and reveal our ultimate potential and allows us to strive to be even better with a full acceptance and love for who we are now? 

Principles in action

I remember when I was in sixth grade and puberty hit with all the changes in my body and emotions that come along with it. I was awkward and insecure and searching for acceptance outside myself. Unfortunately a bully in my class noticed this and picked up on the one thing about my body that I was most self conscious of and of course he pointed it out…not just to me but to anyone within earshot. I was mortified. Not only was I a girl, but I was a young girl in puberty who was insecure and searching to understand and find acceptance about who I was. I began to take on the unkind words of the bully and soon when I looked into the mirror, all I could see was that one insecurity staring back at me. I couldn’t see anything else and I began to take on the identity of someone who is ugly. I secretly used every technique I could to physically change my appearance in hopes that would help me to feel loved and accepted.

Many years later as an adult I was talking with a friend of mine who casually talked about having the same issue that I had experienced as a teen. However, there was something different about the way she talked about it. For her it was just a normal part of growing up and becoming a woman and was no big deal. I looked at her with disbelief that she would talk about what I had previously thought was such a shameful thing. Then the realization hit me that it was not just me that was dealing with that body change, that this was a pretty common issue many women faced but just didn’t talk about. I realized that it didn’t define who I am and that I could be beautiful even though I was not perfect and that the haunting teasings of bullies in the past did not have to stay with me. 

Why do I tell you that story? I tell it to you because we all have skeletons on our closet about who we have been told we are. Maybe it is an unkind teacher, a parent who said an unkind thing in anger about us, a sister or brother who lashed out at us or a bully at school. Maybe it was a feeling of unworthiness from the barrage of media images about who we are supposed to be. However those beliefs about who we are came to be, I want you to know that you no longer need to believe them. That they are not true. That you are so much more. That you have a divine destiny and purpose that is greater than what you can possibly imagine. You get to choose who you are from here on out!

Let’s Make Sure We’ve Got It

• We are told many things about who we are from our family, media, friends, bullies and even ourselves
• We can chose to accept or not accept those things we are told we are
• We all have a divine destiny and purpose

Digging Deep

In the next few minutes I will lead you through a process that has freed me from the painful meanings and definitions of other people. I invite you to go through this process yourself. Find a peaceful spot, a place where you can ponder and reflect without the droning distractions that keep us locked into past definitions of who we are. By the way, although this process may only take a short period of time if we will engage with it with a full heart and the power of being present, the results of your work today with wherever you are in life will resonate well into the future and open you to your true potential. This will be critical for us to truly discover our divine purpose. Are you ready? Have you found that peaceful spot? If so, grab a pen and paper and let’s begin.  

1. What have you been told about who you are? 
2. What have you believed in the past about who you are and what your purpose is? 
3. What if you could let go of negative beliefs about yourself?
4. What if there is some important reason you are here and a very important role that you play in this life? 
5. What is one thing that you have forgotten that is beautiful?
6. What is one part of you that you love? 

Now that you have pondered you have the seed of transformation. Here comes the real work. In order for true transformation to occur we must take what we know into our daily lives. As Stephen Covey says “to know and to not do is really to not know at all.” Now we will take a look at some simple ways we can take what you know about who you are into your daily life. Here are a few questions to help you do that.

1. What is one thing you can do to remind yourself of the one part of yourself that is beautiful and that you love about yourself?
2. What will you do everyday to remind yourself about this so you never forget again? 

Now that you have begun this process of taking what you know into your daily life and have a plan of how to do it, you are ready for the next step to move forward towards your true potential. In my next blog I will dive into who you really are and your divine purpose in this life. I wish I had more time to explore it now but as with all things, I know it is with patience that the lessons can sink in. At this point though I hope you have a sense of how important you really are and that you do not need to accept negative messages about yourself that have been offered to you and that only you can decide to see your divine worth. As you do this you will begin to unlock your potential and see yourself as you really are. Then and only then are you capable of what the Creator has destined you to be. I know that these things are true and I’m excited for you to discover them for yourself.