SELF DOUBT

Self Doubt

There is something that lies in wait within us that when we allow it to run free, it can tear down our ability to reach our goals. It is so insidious that we barely see it in our lives and yet the effects of it on us can be so great. The difficult thing about it is that no one else can tangibly see it, a doctor cannot remove it, and we cannot look in the mirror and with surety say “there it is”. Yet it is within all of us at some time or another. What am I talking about? I am referring to self doubt. The belief in ourselves and what we can accomplish is one of the most basic and yet critical components to what we are actually able to achieve. However, it is in our very nature to have self doubt. Everyone in this entire world has it to some degree or another. Although it is in our nature to have it, we also have the ability to overcome it. That is what we will talk about today, the 4 steps to overcoming self doubt so that we can be set free to work towards achieving what we desire. 

To understand self doubt we need to understand how exactly it stops us. There is a challenge to overcoming self doubt and if we don’t know it exists, that not only stops us from overcoming it but makes it so we don’t even know it is there. This is the challenge of the self doubt wall. You see when we allow self doubt to enter our mind by entertaining the self doubt thoughts and allowing them to stay, it is as though a wall begins to form in front of us. All the negative thoughts about ourselves like “I can’t do this”, “I’m stupid”, “how could I have screwed up again” accumulate and block our ability to move forward. They keep us stuck in the dangerous place of inaction. When we understand this though we can move forward even thought these negative thoughts that accumulate into a self doubt wall are before us. There is something we can do to overcome the wall of self doubt. This thing will allow us to leap over the wall towards our goals. We can use something called rigor to overcome our self doubt. To be able to use rigor we must first understand what it is. Rigor is the ability to do something even though it is difficult. It is the will within us to move forward even though we don’t want to, we don’t know how, we can’t see how it will work out. It is our willingness to try anyways. In this life rigor is required to jump over the walls of our own self doubt. When we are in action we do not have time to ask if we can do it or not. You see, as Brandon Broadwater says “people will take you as seriously as you take yourself.” How seriously we take ourselves lies within our ability to see over our self doubt to our full potential and our willingness to reach for that potential even when we are not sure how. 

There are times in this journey however when we will be met with uncertainty. We may at times try and fail. We may feel discouraged about our efforts that are not working as quickly as we want them to. We may feel alone in our trying to succeed. We may feel like it’s not worth the effort. In those moments we must understand something. We must understand this principle because that discouragement that we feel can either drag us down to the depths of inactivity or despair or move us forward. It can steal our dreams or empower us to light a force within us that is so great that it can overcome anything put in our path. To underhand this principle I will share with you a quote by Neil A. Maxwell. He said “discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage.” So lets not allow the absence of courage to enter our lives and our dreams. Let’s not delay finding the courage within us to powerfully move forward and take the next step towards what we desire to achieve. There is courage that lies within you. More courage and ability that you can possibly imagine. It is waiting. It is waiting to be set free in the small consistent actions that you will take towards what you desire. So take a step. 

I promised at the beginning of this discussion of self doubt to share with your the 4 steps to overcoming self doubt. I am a woman of my word. The four steps to overcoming self doubt when you follow them will allow you to overcome discouragement and the wall of self doubt. It will light the courage that lies within you and help you to find the rigor you need to succeed. It will allow your creator to work with you and help you along your path. So here they are:

4 Steps to Overcoming Self Doubt

1. Alignment to Higher Law Principles
2. Manage your state of mind
3. Serve those around you
4. Stay in growth 

Now that we know what the 4 Steps to Overcoming Self Doubt are let’s pull them apart a little so we can truly underhand them. Alignment to Higher Laws really means following the Higher Law Principles you know are true. So for example if you know that it is a true principle to start your day by talking to your Creator and saying thank you, alignment means that you do it. 

Manage your state of mind means doing what it takes to not entertain negative thoughts about yourself that leads to self doubt. An example of this might be that when you notice a negative thought, don’t beat yourself up about it, just ask a question that helps you feel good. An example of this might be “what do I do well?” or “what am I grateful for?” Shifting our focus allows us to shift our thoughts, feelings and actions.

Serving those around us is critical to overcoming self doubt because when we are in the service of others, we get a breather from our own problems. We don’t have time for self doubt when we are engaged in the act of lifting another.

Staying in growth means allowing yourself to try and sometimes fail. Making it okay for your to learn lessons and discover what you can do even when you are not sure how to do it at first. It is only through trial and error that we can grow. Give yourself space to fall down. Just get back up, brush yourself off and know that you are in the incredible act of becoming more. 

Principles in action

I once took on the task of organizing an event that I had never done before. I was flying in an international speaker and had two other well known speakers to an event that I was the sole organizer for. The only issue was that I had no idea how to do it. I had never organized an event like that before. I was a stay at home mom most of the time and was working part time in my business. In the space between dropping off my daughter at preschool and picking her up again less that 2 hours later was my only time to work on this daunting project. I recall thinking so many times “I can’t do this” and “what if no one comes.” Sometimes the hardest thing I would accomplish in my tiny blocks of work was to overcome these thoughts of self doubt. To make matters worse,  I was having a really hard time accomplishing the task. About two weeks before the event I had a grand total of 14 people registered for my auditorium sized room. I was panicked. How would I possibly be able to pull off this event when I was already proving that I couldn’t do it? My self doubt became louder. I eventually got to a point of no return. A point when I realized that I couldn’t do it on my own but that maybe the Creator knew how I could do it and could help me. I began to use the 4 steps to overcoming self doubt that I leaned at the Master Your Power Within event and things began to shift. How did I use these steps? I made sure that before I called anyone I talked to my Creator first and gave up my self doubt, insecurity and fears. I managed my state by getting up out of my chair and doing my move (something I learned at the Master Your Power Within event to drastically change my state of mind). I focused on how I could truly serve the person I was talking to and asked the Creator for help to do so. I stayed in growth by being willing to fail and fall down and realizing that although it was not comfortable, it is an important part of growth. 

Doing these 4 steps changed everything and allowed me to go from having 12 people registered for the event to a place where the event was completely packed within a 2 week period. What changed? I changed. Even though I didn’t know how to do it, even though I was scared and unsure, even though I had self doubts I did it anyways. I took the next step, did the next right thing, got up when I fell flat on my face. You see we cannot be paralyzed by the walls of doubt when we are busy in action. Momentum disempowers self doubt. 

Let’s Make Sure We’ve Got it

• Self doubt can stop us from getting started towards our goals
• When we entertain self doubt it acts like a barrier in front of us
• We can use rigor to overcome self doubt by taking action even when we don’t know how it will work out
• 4 Steps to Overcoming Self Doubt
  1. Alignment to Higher Law Principles
  2. Manage your state of mind
  3. Serve those around you
  4. Stay in growth 

Digging Deep

Now that we have uncovered some of the truths about self doubt, you have a decision to make, will you apply what you know unto yourself? Will you take a look within yourself to find the areas of self doubt that are blocking you from reaching your full potential? What if the very thing you don’t feel like you can do is the very thing that the Creator is waiting for you do to, needs you to do? Will you put off your destiny for later or will you move forward courageously right now? You can start by asking yourself the following questions.

• what is one thing you feel like you need to do but worry that you might fail at?
  1. Alignment to Higher Law Principles - ask the Creator for help daily with the task you want to do
  2. Manage your state of mind - set a time everyday to work on the task you want to do and before you start the task get up and move your body (walk outside, deep breath, do jumping jacks, anything to get you moving)
  3. Serve those around you - ask the Creator “who can I serve today” and take action to help that person (helping those around you cheerfully will give you increased capacity and energy)
  4. Stay in growth - when you fail, just get back up and try again fast

I know you are reading this for a reason. There is something that you have been inspired to do or a goal that you desire. It is waiting for you and the increased capacity and potential that it will bring to your life. Don’t delay for an unknown someday. There is no day on the calendar marked someday. The time is now, today, straightway without delay. This is your moment so take it. 

Connie

5 Steps to Spiritual Knowledge

As we talked about earlier, we are often told a great deal of myths about who we are and our purpose in this life. We can become lost in a guilt ridden perfectionist vision of who we should be. Such things can leave us feeling not enough, guilty and can most dangerously prevent us from seeing our true potential and divine nature. In this world of immense  pressure, it is of great importance that we know who we are, where we came from and where we are going. To not understand these things will cause us to be lost in worldly expectations and the trivial matters. To understand them empowers us and frees us to take the critical and small steps towards personal and spiritual mastery in this life. 

Pam’s story

In my work as a Master Coach, I have the privilege of talking with women from around the world about this subject in many different forms. It’s curious to me how many women struggle with this. One young lady I worked with, lets call her Pam wanted to do many things in this life but she felt trapped. She was well educated and a successful real estate investor however she wanted more. She had been tricked into thinking that her that her biology was her destiny. You see, Pam had a developmental disability that made it difficult for her to walk so she walked with a severe limp. Her disability began to become her identity and although she had accomplished some great things in this life, she could not see her full potential. She did not believe that she was capable of being loved in an intimate relationship and felt left alone by her Creator. This belief about her potential is something that not only Pam faced but we all face in this life. We all bump up against the ceilings of what we believe we are capable and we think that those ceilings are real and that there is nothing we can do about them. They appear real and when we believe them, they become real. With our beliefs we form our destiny. For Pam she was trapped with her beliefs about her potential and these beliefs were causing her to miss out on everything that she wanted in this life. 

I remember one distinct moment when I began to see the blocks to who Pam believed she was begin to fall away to create space for a bigger more divine version of herself. We were talking after she had attended a Master Your Power Within Event and she was telling me about her fears and her beliefs about who she is. I looked at her for a moment and although she was describing who she thought she was I saw her in a completely different light. I could see the strength within her for having powerfully navigating this world with a condition that made it more difficult for her to get around, a saw the kindness and love within her by how much she cared for other people and was willing to help her, and I saw her potential that she was capable of doing whatever she wanted in this life. I asked her “is it possible that you are more that you think you are.” She looked up at me and I could see a glimmer of hope entering her eyes as she responded “what do you mean?” I answered “what if your limitations do not define you? What if there really is a loving Creator who knows and loves you? What if you have a divine destiny that is beyond what you can imagine? What if you can be loved deeply? What would it mean for you if these things could be true?” She looked up at me with tears forming in the corners of her eyes and for the first time I could see the beginnings of understanding of who she really is. She asked me “how can I know if these things are true?” I turned towards her to face her squarely and asked “Don’t you already know the answer to that question?” She paused for a moment and remember the things she learned at Master Your Power Within event said “Yes I know what I need to do to know for myself.” You see Pam knew that she could receive her own answers about her potential by going to her Creator and asking and she knew how to get an answer. She knew the 5 steps to gaining spiritual knowledge. Now she was truly set free. She could begin the process of redefining who she is and what she is capable in the most powerful way, through the eyes of her Creator. 

So what did Pam need to understand to begin to see her full potential? She needed to understand that her capacity is not defined by her physical body, that she has a divine potential and that her past is not your future, your biography is not your destiny. 

My father died when I was 16 years old and his death left me feeling lost, confused, and angry. At that point in my life I did not have a relationship with the Creator and I thought if there really is a God, why would he take my dad? I felt angry and alone for many years. Until I learned some key principles that helped me begin to ask questions that brought me to understand the character of the Creator and his love for me. The lack of knowledge of these key principles for most of my life left me feeling lost and adrift, especially when tough times hit…which inevitably they always do in this life. Once I understood them I felt empowered and excited about my potential. These key principles have been condensed into a powerful and easy process called the 5 Steps to spiritual knowledge. 

Just because you have been the person you are up until this point in your life does not mean this is where you need to stay.  What if you could let go of some of the beliefs and ideas that are holding you back from living your full potential?  What if there is a part within you that is capable of much more than you can even comprehend?  What if there is a loving Creator just waiting for you to turn to him to strengthen you and lift you up in all your are facing in this life…the difficult times, the joy and the uncertainty?  What if the things you want in this life most of all are possible for you to achieve if you take a step forward in trust and are willing to learn and apply what you learn? What if there really is more beyond this life and a purpose to it all?

What if those things are true? How would it change you? I know that all these things are true.  I know that because I have seen them in my own life and in the lives of the incredible people around me. I know because I have learned how to ask the Creator if they are true and understand how to receive an answer.

I believe that you are reading this for a reason and that you are being called to live up to even more of your potential.  So strap in, hold on tight because life truly is never going to be the same. 

There is a Creator of this world and He created each of us.  Each one of us is one of his spirit children and he looks out for us and helps us as we ask and are willing to receive his help.  He knows what is going on for us at all times and is mindful of us.  He is a loving parent.  Just as a loving parent would not swoop in and fix everything for their children, so too the creator cannot just fix everything for us.  He brought us here so we could learn, grow, progress and increase our capacity to love and be more like him.  He gave us the most incredible gift he could have possibly given us and that gift is the gift of agency.  Agency means that he respects our ability to choose between right and wrong, between what is good for us and what is not.  He loves us so much that he is willing to allow us to choose our destiny and level of happiness. 

Wow agency sounds like an awesome gift doesn’t it?  I thought so too at first.  It really is the best gift anyone could give but it does not come without a cost.  What am I talking about? I don’t know about you but sometimes I don’t always make the best decisions. Each choice we make either brings us closer to our Creator or further away from him and from our divine potential. In order for us to make choices that bring us closer to him we need to educate our desires. What I mean is that we need to understand what our Creator desires for us and also understand what desires we have that will empower our divine potential. How do we do that? Through questions. 

If there really is a loving Creator and if he really is mindful and aware of you right now and everything you are going through, your hopes, your worries, your joys and frustrations? Is it possible that he can see the bigger picture of your life in the moments when you feel lost in the day to day minutia or trapped in the overwhelming circumstances of this life? If these things are true how could we possibly tap into the wisdom of our Creator and receive direct inspiration about what we need to do in our life at this very moment to have more peace and feel more joy? What if we start by asking the Creator? Sounds simple right? Sounds a little too easy? Well it is…and it isn’t all at the same time. Sometimes the most difficult thing we can do is humble ourself enough to recognize that we don’t know it all and that we need help. Sometimes the farthest distance we can travel is to our knees in prayer. When we go to our Creator in humility and believe we will receive an answer, something incredible happens. We receive answers in the Creator’s time and that seed of belief grows into a knowing. We often don’t start out believing but even a small desire to believe is enough to start.

At the start of this discussion I told you that I would share with you the 5 keys to building belief  I know that some of these steps might sound like something you have heard before and you could be tempted to blow them off as trite but I promise you they are not. If you choose to take them into your heart and give them a chance to work within you, I promise your understanding of who you are and your relationship with the divine will grow and you will begin to unlock the ultimate potential that lies within you.

These 5 steps to spiritual knowledge are:

1. desire to believe & be humble
2. believe that you will receive an answer about if he really exists or if he loves you
3. Ask your Creator yes or no questions 
4. Pay attention to how you feel - a sense of peace is the Creator’s way of saying yes to you
5. Be patient and grateful when you receive answers

In the future I will go into the specifics of how the Creator answers our questions but for now you just need to know that he will and that your answers may come in the form of a word, a thought or a feeling. Pay particular attention to how you feel. If you ask a yes or no question to the Creator and following asking your question you feel a sense of peace, that is how the Creator answers yes to you. For now that is enough for you to get powerful answers about who you are.

Principles in Action

As I mentioned when I was 16 years old I was devastated by the death of my father. I could not understand how a loving God would take my dad and so I got angry…real angry. I wanted nothing to do with God or religion. Then I went to a course called Master Your Power Within that began to open my mind to the possibility of there being something bigger going on in the universe and the possibility that there is a Creator that is aware of me. I wanted to believe this was true but my heart was still very hurt so I was wary to allow myself to believe. Then one day I needed to know. I went into the woods in the shady evergreen forest of the Rocky Mountains in Canada and began walking on a snowy path towards an answer to a question that would change my life forever. I recall talking in my mind to the Creator (if there was one) and saying that I was angry about my dad and that I couldn’t understand why that would happen to me. Then as my heart softened I asked a life altering question using the 5 steps to spiritual knowledge. I asked if there really is a Creator. The moment I asked it my heart and stomach were filled with a feeling of peace and I knew that was the way the Creator was answering “yes, I am here.” That day and that question has stayed with me as one of my fundamental and treasured things that I know. I can now with sure confidence say that I know there is a Creator who is aware of and loves me. 

Digging Deep

You may know that already but for me is was a game changer. Wherever you are at in your understanding of the Creator and yourself, I know that there is always room to learn and to understand more. After all, as Brandon Broadwater says “if we are not growing, we are dying.” So what questions do you have in your mind about who you are, your purpose in this life, or who the Creator is? What if you could find the answers you are looking for and that the answers to life’s greatest mysteries are just a question away? If you have a desire to learn and a willingness to wait for your answer and a humility in your heart, you will receive the answers you desire. I encourage you to ponder the following questions so you understand how gaining greater knowledge of the divine will help you right now in your life. 

1. What would it mean for you if you could have answers to the questions that are in your heart about your purpose in this life?
2. What is a question that you have that you could ask the Creator?
3. How would knowing the answer to this question empower you?
4. What if these things are true and you don’t take action on them?

Let’s Make Sure We’ve Got it

• There is a loving Creator who is aware of you and what is happening in your life right now
• When we understand who the Creator really is, we understand who we are and our divine potential
• We are spirit children of our Creator 
• We can receive answers to our questions by following the 5 steps to spiritual knowledge 
• 1. desire to believe 
  2. Be humble
  3. Ask yes or no questions to know there really is a Creator
  4. Pay attention to how you feel - a sense of peace is the Creator’s way of saying yes to you
  5. Be patient and grateful when you receive answers

I know that as your seek to understand who you are and your potential in this life you will be empowered beyond what you can possibly imagine. I believe you are reading this for a reason and that there is a message your Creator is trying to give to you. Are your ears open to this message or are they shut in doubt and disbelief. Will you choose to ask the questions that you have to gain even more of an understanding of your purpose in this life or will this message you have received today get lost in the shadows of busyness? You have a choice to make now. You can take action and seek a deeper relationship with your Creator now or you can dismiss this message as an interesting little article. What will you do? I promise that if you take this message in with faith and take action on it, you will receive the answers you are looking for. You will feel empowered with growing closer to a loving Creator and you will be more clear on your divine path in this life. I know these things are true and I am excited for you to discover them for yourself. 

UNDERSTANDING WHO YOU ARE

When I first began to learn about Higher Laws it made me question all that I thought I knew.  If Higher Laws were real, which as I tried them out I came to know that they are, that must mean something bigger is going on in this life.  If something bigger is going on in this life, that must mean someone has a plan for us. Quite possibly even a plan for me.  As I wrestled with this idea I came face to face with years of believing this life is nothing more than the right now and that there is nothing really special about me.  It made me question what I thought I knew about who I am. 

In this life we can be told so many things about who we are. We get these messages from all around us, our parents, our friends, the people who don’t like us, the people we do like, the media. There is a constant barrage about what everyone else thinks we are and who we ‘should’ be. As teenagers we wrestle with the complexity of the battle within trying to match up our independence with the expectations of others. Although this battle is still alive and well within us as grown ups, it often goes under the radar. We try to ignore the criticism of our spouse or the negative comment of another parent from school but really they eat away at us just a little bit. As women we are given so many messages about who we need to be. We are told that we need to be smart but not nerdy smart, sexy but not sleazy, fun but not irresponsible. We feel we need to be superwoman…our clothes not only perfectly matching but also clean (if you have little babies you know how hard this one can be), our house spotless, the perfectly manicured lawn with an abundant flower and vegetable garden, our hair combed and perfect by the time we walk out the door and our makeup done to face the day. We are told we need to the the perfect wife, never nagging our husbands, the perfect mother, never being frustrated with our kids and always being the model of love and patience. We are told that we need to have it all figured out…our finances in order, our kids in every activity they can possibly do, be experts at cooking, cleaning, and even sex. The pressure of all the shoulds “shoulding” all over us is a weight that can drag us down into despair and a feeling of being not good enough. But what if all those expectations that we and others put on us are not true? What if they are not only not necessary but are the very things that would prevent us from being who we truly are and becoming who we are meant be? What if we don’t have to be perfect? What if we just need to be perfectly striving towards improvement and our potential? What if we have a divine heritage, purpose and destiny? 

Myths of who we believe we are 

I once spoke to a woman I admire who has been in this earth for much longer than I have and she shared one regret that she had in this life. One thing that if she knew when she was younger it would have saved her a great deal of heartache. When she told me I thought "wow that's so true!!” She told me that her one regret is that she noticed that wherever she was at in life she cheated herself into believing she was not enough...not skinny enough, not brave enough, not pretty enough. However when she had the benefit of looking back through the wise lenses of time, she saw that in fact she was enough.

This is so true isn’t it? I recall thinking to myself as a teenager "I'm so fat!" And yet as I look back at pictures during that time I was quite slim. In fact I was more slim than I have been since then and likely ever will be again. So why is it that we can rob ourselves of the joy within the now? What if right now at this very moment we are enough? What if the trials, struggles and experiences we are going through at this junction in time are exactly what we need to learn the lessons we need to learn? What if these lessons and who we are now are what is required to become who we truly are meant to be? What if we are enough...smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, brave enough? What if when we accept that we are enough that allows the door to opportunity to open and reveal our ultimate potential and allows us to strive to be even better with a full acceptance and love for who we are now? 

Principles in action

I remember when I was in sixth grade and puberty hit with all the changes in my body and emotions that come along with it. I was awkward and insecure and searching for acceptance outside myself. Unfortunately a bully in my class noticed this and picked up on the one thing about my body that I was most self conscious of and of course he pointed it out…not just to me but to anyone within earshot. I was mortified. Not only was I a girl, but I was a young girl in puberty who was insecure and searching to understand and find acceptance about who I was. I began to take on the unkind words of the bully and soon when I looked into the mirror, all I could see was that one insecurity staring back at me. I couldn’t see anything else and I began to take on the identity of someone who is ugly. I secretly used every technique I could to physically change my appearance in hopes that would help me to feel loved and accepted.

Many years later as an adult I was talking with a friend of mine who casually talked about having the same issue that I had experienced as a teen. However, there was something different about the way she talked about it. For her it was just a normal part of growing up and becoming a woman and was no big deal. I looked at her with disbelief that she would talk about what I had previously thought was such a shameful thing. Then the realization hit me that it was not just me that was dealing with that body change, that this was a pretty common issue many women faced but just didn’t talk about. I realized that it didn’t define who I am and that I could be beautiful even though I was not perfect and that the haunting teasings of bullies in the past did not have to stay with me. 

Why do I tell you that story? I tell it to you because we all have skeletons on our closet about who we have been told we are. Maybe it is an unkind teacher, a parent who said an unkind thing in anger about us, a sister or brother who lashed out at us or a bully at school. Maybe it was a feeling of unworthiness from the barrage of media images about who we are supposed to be. However those beliefs about who we are came to be, I want you to know that you no longer need to believe them. That they are not true. That you are so much more. That you have a divine destiny and purpose that is greater than what you can possibly imagine. You get to choose who you are from here on out!

Let’s Make Sure We’ve Got It

• We are told many things about who we are from our family, media, friends, bullies and even ourselves
• We can chose to accept or not accept those things we are told we are
• We all have a divine destiny and purpose

Digging Deep

In the next few minutes I will lead you through a process that has freed me from the painful meanings and definitions of other people. I invite you to go through this process yourself. Find a peaceful spot, a place where you can ponder and reflect without the droning distractions that keep us locked into past definitions of who we are. By the way, although this process may only take a short period of time if we will engage with it with a full heart and the power of being present, the results of your work today with wherever you are in life will resonate well into the future and open you to your true potential. This will be critical for us to truly discover our divine purpose. Are you ready? Have you found that peaceful spot? If so, grab a pen and paper and let’s begin.  

1. What have you been told about who you are? 
2. What have you believed in the past about who you are and what your purpose is? 
3. What if you could let go of negative beliefs about yourself?
4. What if there is some important reason you are here and a very important role that you play in this life? 
5. What is one thing that you have forgotten that is beautiful?
6. What is one part of you that you love? 

Now that you have pondered you have the seed of transformation. Here comes the real work. In order for true transformation to occur we must take what we know into our daily lives. As Stephen Covey says “to know and to not do is really to not know at all.” Now we will take a look at some simple ways we can take what you know about who you are into your daily life. Here are a few questions to help you do that.

1. What is one thing you can do to remind yourself of the one part of yourself that is beautiful and that you love about yourself?
2. What will you do everyday to remind yourself about this so you never forget again? 

Now that you have begun this process of taking what you know into your daily life and have a plan of how to do it, you are ready for the next step to move forward towards your true potential. In my next blog I will dive into who you really are and your divine purpose in this life. I wish I had more time to explore it now but as with all things, I know it is with patience that the lessons can sink in. At this point though I hope you have a sense of how important you really are and that you do not need to accept negative messages about yourself that have been offered to you and that only you can decide to see your divine worth. As you do this you will begin to unlock your potential and see yourself as you really are. Then and only then are you capable of what the Creator has destined you to be. I know that these things are true and I’m excited for you to discover them for yourself.

WHAT ARE HIGHER LAWS?

Have you ever had the feeling like there is more going on in this life than what appears to be,  a sense that there really is a higher power in whatever context you believe that to be?  I’ve had this feeling all my life.  It is this feeling that took me on a  journey in search for answers to my big questions of why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing.  My search took me to the far away land of Indonesia, to spiritual books, churches and even to sweat lodges.  I found some evidence that I could not deny and some truth and yet I did not have a complete picture of what this life is really about.  That is until I learned one principle that made all the puzzle pieces fit together, that answered my big questions and pointed me in the direction of understanding the plan that the universe has for me and how I could work within that plan to create the life I longed for and live my purpose.  So what was that principle I learned that created this earth shattering collaboration with the universe? 

It's a Pendulum Thing

The principle that helped me to become a partner with the creator was learning and understanding the principle of Higher Laws.  What are Higher Laws you might be asking?  Sound kind of flaky?  Well it’s not.  Higher Laws are very real and tangible.  Simply put, higher Laws are principles that create results that work upon a paradox.They are a set of laws outlined by the Creator that when we align to a Higher Law, we get an alternate result.  It’s a pendulum thing.  When you take a long necklace with a pendulum on the bottom and swing it, you take an action on one side by drawing up the pendulum and then release it.  And what happens next?  It swings right?  The action that you take on the one hand creates an alternate response as the pendulum swings up the other side. It’s kind of counter intuitive. If you want the pendulum to go to the left shouldn’t you just be able to push the pendulum to the left?  You can but it’s not sustainable because the moment you let go, it’s going to swing to the right. To go in the direction we want to go, we need to take an action in what seems to be the completely opposite direction. That’s how the universe set up higher laws.  There is an opposite to all things.  To create the results we want we must do the action that is in alignment to the Higher Law that corresponds with the result we want.  

Have I confused you enough?  Let me give you an example. 

One example of how a principle works is that people who are constantly looking for love and taking their own temperature to know if they are happy will not be happy. People who are looking outside themselves and trying to serve others out of pure love are happy. It’s a pendulum thing, we cannot find happiness through an inward search for happiness. Finding happiness requires us to do the opposite by looking outward to serve those around us. As Mahatma Gaundi so eloquently put it, “the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” 

Higher Laws are Steadfast

I have sometimes struggled with truly understanding what higher laws are and how they affect me. Stephen Covey explains that “the fundamental idea is that there are principles that govern human effectiveness - natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real, just as unchanging and arguably ‘there’ as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimension.” 

Brandon Broadwater helped me to understand higher laws best when he relayed a story told by Frank Koch in the Proceedings, a Navel Institute magazine. 

"Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities. 

Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, “Light, bearing on the starboard bow."

“Is it steady or moving astern?” the captain called out.

Lookout replied, “steady, captain”, which meant we were on a dangerous collision course with that ship. 

The captain then called to the signalman “signal that ship: we are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."

Back came a signal “advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."

The captain said “send, I’m a captain, change course 20 degrees."

“I’m a seaman second class. You had better change course 20 degrees” came the reply.

By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, “send, I’m a battleship. Change course 20 degrees."

Back came a flashing light, “I’m a lighthouse."

We changed course. 

What does that story teach us about higher laws? Higher laws are like lighthouses. They are unmoving principles like gravity. We cannot change them because they are not in style or convenient or even socially preferred. As Cecil B. DeMille said “It is impossible for us to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law.” Brandon Broadwater explains that “the reality of such principles or natural laws becomes obvious to anyone who thinks deeply and examines the cycles of social history. These principles surface time and time again, and the degree to which people in a society recognize and live in harmony with them moves them toward either survival and stability or disintegration and destruction.” So I guess the question we need to know is; in our own lives are we moving towards stability, peace and even prosperity, or towards destruction, even if that destruction is a slow disconnection with the people we love. 

Principles in Action

There was a time in my life when I desperately wanted financial results.  I recall one day doing the budget with my husband Andy. I kept looking from our bank account to our budget hoping that if I looked at it just one more time I would see something different.  Tears began to well up in my eyes as I took in what I saw.  Our bank account was not only reading a negative amount, it was reading a very negative amount. I looked over at Andy and he must of saw the look of despair, hopelessness and panic in my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me and said “it’s going to be okay Con, we’ll figure this out.”  I felt a small bit of relief in his words but had no idea how we would ever figure it out. 

Fast forward a couple days and we are on a coaching call with our mentor Brandon Broadwater.  He had asked for an update about how things were going and as he listened intently to my fears and anxiety about our financial situation, he asked “so you want to make more money each month?” “yes” I responded. A glimmer of hope entered my mind and I thought “okay finally Brandon will help us to get somewhere.” Then Brandon asked me a question that cut to my very core and helped me begin to understand Higher Law principles. He asked “so how is your relationship?”  “My relationship?” I gasped. “What does my relationship have anything to do with making more money?” Again Brandon asked with piercing truth “you want to make more money right?” “yes” I responded again now losing a little patience and grace. “Your relationship has absolutely everything to do with your financial situation.” 

In that moment as the truth of that statement sunk into my very core I realized that I had a lot to learn about how to get results in my life.  It is incredible how once Andy and I began to improve the connection in our relationship, other tangible things like money fell into place.  We started to work together more on financial planning, we were more supportive of each other’s ideas and solutions, we became a team.  I know that might not sound like much but for us it made all the difference.  We went from being in conflict over money to being a team that worked towards creating a better future, which included more financial security.  What was the result? We went from being $1200 in the hole every month to having enough money for our living expenses, savings and paying off debt.  We paid debt off faster than we ever had before and at the time paid off 80 percent of our $100,000 debt in a couple of years.  The best part was that we were happy together and that our capacity to love one another and work together no matter the circumstance increased.  We saw Higher Laws in action as we created a healthier relationship which resulted in healthier finances. 

Let’s Make Sure We’ve Got it

• Higher Laws are just as real as physical laws such as gravity
• higher Laws are principles that create results that work upon a paradox
• We cannot change Higher Laws, we can just break ourselves against the laws when we choose to not follow them
• Following Higher Laws creates the results and blessings we desire in this life

Digging Deep

Whether Higher Law principles are new for you are not, here are some ideas that will help you to dig deep in your own life and apply the principles to get the results you want even more of. You can choose to ask yourself these questions, or not but I promise you that those people who dig deep and apply what they are learning are the ones who will get results. 

1. If Higher Laws principles are new to you, how can you educate yourself about them? 
2. If you know about Higher Law principles, what is the next Higher Law you need to align to & what is one step you can take towards aligning within the next 24 hours?

I’m humbled and grateful to be on this journey with you. I know that as you apply the Higher Law principles that you learn, you will experience more results in your life. They may not come in your timeline, but they will come. It is a pendulum thing and a predictable law like gravity is; if we align to our Creator’s laws, we will get the attached result or blessing to that law. After all, we cannot build the spiritual muscles of the soul by sitting on the couch of mediocrity. I promise that learning about Higher Law principle is one of the most important things we can do in this life. It is when we understand Higher Laws that we strengthen our spiritual muscles and can create the life we desire.  There are a few places that you can learn about Higher Laws. You will find pieces of truth in many places, however one of the place I have found the most truth is through the Higher Laws company by attending the Master Your Power Within event. What an adventure life becomes when our spiritual eyes are opened and we can see things as they really are.  

Much love,

Connie 

NO GUILT RAW CHOCOLATE

For awhile now I have been talking about how eating healthier has been a journey for me. I have always had two sides within myself battling when it comes to food. There is the part of me that knows that what I put into my body will affect how I feel, think and act. This part of myself has a true desire to eat healthy, choose the spinach smoothie over the doughnut, eat the salad over the grilled cheese. Then there is another part of me that wants everything to be fun and delicious…and is genuinely saddened by the prospect of eating green smoothies and chia for dessert every single day of my life. I can justify almost anything when it comes to food. Justifications that sound a lot like “of course I can eat cake for breakfast, I’ve been so good all week." Whenever I give in to my sugary pleasures though. my state crashes and I feel terrible. Not just because of the inevitable sugar crash afterwards…though there definitely is one, but also because of the inevitable guilt crash. When I over indulge in the food department of my life, I felt guilty because I felt like I was weak for giving into my culinary pleasures. 

Then I came upon a program that has changed my eating and my life. It has given me back a sense of control with juggling my desires to eat healthy while eating yummy. This program has helped me to recover from decades of poor eating choices, while learning how to eat in a way that leaves me feeling full, energized and excited about food. It has taught me how to eat what I love (even chocolate!) in a way that is happy and healthy and with no guilt. What is the program I am talking about? I am talking about the Healthfix Program. I took part in the 30 day Healthfix program and it has made such an incredible difference for my family. Over the last 30 days, my husband Andy has lost over 25 pounds and his hotness has increased to the “wow I’m married to that hottie!”side of the line. My daughters are asking for healthy treats and my 2 year old daughter is asking for green smoothies everyday. I have lost about 5 pounds and can finally fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans! I have so much more energy and patience with my kids. I am loving to eat healthy treats that are so unbelievably chocolaty and delicious that I don’t even crave the surgery treats! Okay for me this was huge! 

I was thinking about why this program has been such a game changer for me when other diets and programs have not worked for me in the past. I think it is because in the past when I have tried other dieting or weight loss programs, I felt deprived. With other programs I felt like I had to do without to win so it was a matter of willing myself to not eat chocolate cake and willing myself to work out in the morning. This kind of change based on willpower only lasted a little while before my willpower muscles got tired and I reached for a candy bar and stopped going for a run. The Healthfix program is different because it gently took me through a detoxification process using all natural and healthy foods. Then it helped me learn through experience how to shop for and prepare healthy foods that fuel my body and leave me feeling full. The weekly coaching helped me understand how eating this way was helping my body heal itself. The healthy food detoxification, learning how to cook in a healthy way and the coaching in the Healthfix program combined to create an effect where my body naturally began to heal itself so I feel better and as my body started to change, my desires changed. I began to crave the boost of energy I feel after a smoothie and I craved the healthy and yummy chocolate treats over the regular sugary kind. I'm not perfect but the thing that I love most about this program is that I don't have to be! When I am regularly eating the healthy foods my body needs, I can still eat some of my old foods favorite foods in moderation. The funny thing is though, I have replaced most of these foods with healthy alternatives anyways!

So today in the spirit of Valentines Day I wanted to share with you one of my favorite chocolatey treats that is so unbelievably simple to make. I love this recipe because it has has a number of health benefits and is is yummy vegan milk chocolate. Try it out and let me know what you think. 

RAW MILK CHOCOLATE RECIPE

1/2 c raw honey

1/2 c coconut oil

1/2 c cacao powder

1/2 tsp vanilla

*4 tbsp full fat coconut milk (this is the solid part skimmed off a can of coconut milk that’s been refrigerated overnight)

• Place all ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth
• If you want, add any other mixings you like (cranberries, coconut, chopped nuts, raisins) and stir
• For chocolates: pour into moulds to make little chocolates & refrigerate for 1 hour
• For chocolate dipped strawberries: dip washed and patted dry strawberries in the chocolate & put on a plate lined with parchment paper and refrigerate 1 hour
• For frozen chocolate dipped bananas: put a full banana on a chopstick and pour the chocolate over the banana, sprinkle chopped nuts on the chocolate if desired and put on a plate lined with parchment paper and freeze for 2 hours
• *you can leave out the coconut milk if you want more of a semi sweet chocolate

Principle in Action

I remember one day I was feeling kind of defeated. I stepped on the scale and didn’t see much change. I got out my measuring tape and as I measured my waist, I didn’t see as much belly fat loss as I wanted. I felt like giving up and thought “well if I am going to be the same, I might as well eat whatever I want to eat!” Then I indulged in eating some pizza…the cheesy, sloppy kind that comes in a huge brown box. I ate a slice of pizza, and then another, and then another, and then another. I ate beyond the “I’m hungry side of the line” to the “I’m so full I can’t move side of the line.” I went to bed and that night and I felt sick…really sick. I’m talking sore throat, nauseous kind of sick. I woke up the next morning, got back on track with the Healthfix program of green smoothies and something incredible happened. 

Within a couple hours I felt better! My sore throat went away, I didn’t feel sick anymore…like at all! I realized in that moment that when I am making a shift towards a healthier lifestyle sometimes the physical changes that I want don’t come as quickly as I would like them to but there is something bigger going on within me. It is a physical shift towards my body being in a healthier state, being more able to recover from sickness, more able to heal itself. Now I am not saying I am never going to eat pizza…I love pizza! We even have pizza night at our house still…although we use a cauliflower crust and it really is seriously delicious! I even will have the messy, cheesy, big box kind of pizza once in awhile…although I definitely learned a lesson about aligning to moderation! Maybe I’ll have some veggies first. I am saying that sometimes when we make changes in this life, we need to be patient with the results and trust that fundamental shifts are happening when we can’t see them. We need to remember the big picture and remember that the small things…feeling more energy, feeling happier are actually big things and are indeed worth it.  

Let’s make sure we’ve got it

We have talked about some principles relating to health so let’s review to make sure we’ve got it. 

• We don’t need to be perfect, we just need to be striving
• It is possible to eat healthy treats…and now you have the best yummy no guilt chocolate recipe ever
• When we make changes in healthy eating, we get momentum and eventually we desire healthier foods
• We need to stick with the process with patience by continuing to do the little steps towards better health

Digging Deep

All of us have edges of where we want to grow in the area of health. Maybe we want to feel more energy, or fit into our jeans, or be alive for our grandchildren, or feel more confident. I have talked about one of the areas in my life that I have been working on. Where is an area in your life that you want to be even healthier? Grab a pen and paper and let’s explore some questions that will help you to get clarity on how to get there.  

1. What do you want to be different in your life to be even healthier?
2. Why is this important to you?
3. What would happen if you don’t do this?
4. What is one specific daily step you can take towards this vision of a healthier you?
5. When can you do this everyday? 
6. How are you going to get back up and keep taking steps towards this goal when you forget or slip into old patterns?
7. Who can support you with this goal? Maybe it’s a friend, partner or program.

Now that we have talked about some principles about health and I have given you one of my favorite healthy treat recipes...I know you are going to love this chocolate recipe and all the delicious treats it can make! I wish I could give you all the delicious recipes that I have learned through the Healthfix program but there just is not room on this blog for all the juices, smoothies, dinners and treats! I just tried a raw cinnamon swirl recipe and raw chocolate brownies that are out of this world! I am so grateful to learn how I can create pure moments with my family around yummy food without paying the cost of the sugar crash crazies afterwards! If you would like to talk to a coach about how you could get started on your journey to health, click here. 

After you try the raw chocolate recipe please let me know what you think. I hope you have a wonderful Valentines Day that is filled with healthy yummy chocolately treats :)

Much love,
Connie

5 STEPS TO HIT ANY GOAL

The Kaizan of our lives

I mentioned before that there are some specific tools that can predictably help us reach our goals. In my previous post, we explored the three things that get in our way to reaching our goals. These three dream stealers are lack of perspective, pride, and hopelessness. We also identified the six steps towards creating lasting change. If you remember those six steps are:

• 1. Creator
  2. Heart
  3. Action
  4. Need to
  5. Get back up
  6. Excel in Kaizan

Now that we understand those principles, we can dive even deeper into the specific tools we can use daily that help us to reach our goals. I recall a time in my life when I did not know about these tools and I wanted to paint my house. I had never painted a house before and I was feeling a little overwhelmed by the prospect of painting the entire outside of my house. At the time I had a small child at home with me and life was busy with naps, laundry mountains and everything else involved with being a mom. I had no idea how I was going to fit in learning to paint, buying the paint and supplies and the hours and hours it would take to finally get the job done. I was stuck in analysis paralysis. Ever been there? It is a quaint little place where time stands still and we think we are getting a lot accomplished because we are thinking about something a great deal but the reality is that even though we are exerting a great deal of energy thinking about getting started, we are not actually taking any action, so nothing gets done.  

Then I learned about one tool at the Master Your Power Within Event that helped me to get to work in an effective and manageable way and helped me to finish painting my entire house in just over a week while working in the cracks of time between my baby’s naps. This tool helped me so much that I began to use it in every area of my life; from making sure I spent daily quality time with my kids, to writing a book. It has changed everything for me because it has helped me understand what specifically I can do to get the things I want done.  

So what it this tool? Well it is something that Brandon Broadwater teaches at the Master Your Power Within Event called "Bullseye Times". It is  part of a process that he spends over half a day teaching and although I don’t have half a day now to share with you everything he taught me, I will give you everything I can within the time we have together.

Basically a Bullseye Time is a small period of time that you dedicate each day to taking action on something you want to accomplish in your life and it allows you to accomplish that goal in small, manageable, daily steps. Here are the basics to succeeding at bullseye times.

Bullseye Times:

• Set one specific goal you want to accomplish (i.e.: I will make 5 sales calls daily)
• Set a start and end time of when you will do this everyday.
• Plan to work on it between 15 min to an hour every day. We are much more effective when we are working in small bursts of time.
• During your bullseye time you are taking direct action on the thing you want to accomplish. It’s not a time to plan, it is a time to do! 

Now that you understand what bullseye times are, there is something else you need to know about this process. If you leave this out you will have unpredictable results but add this next step to your goal planning and you will be able to hit any target.   

Consequences and Rewards

This next step is critical because if we leave it out we will not be completely driven to do whatever it takes to reach our goals. All of us are either driven by pleasure or pain. When we are truly motivated to change, it is either because we want to have something pleasurable or we don’t want something painful. For my husband, he is motivated by pleasure and he loves to eat good food so he would be completely motivated to do work he doesn’t necessarily enjoy to get something yummy. Pain motivation doesn’t work for him very often. He is pretty easy going and adaptable so he will just put up with less than ideal circumstances rather than it driving him forward to change it. Now for me I am motivated by pain. I will do a lot to avoid painful consequences. I like good things in my life and will work towards them but when push comes to shove, I will do anything to avoid painful things I don’t want in my life. So for us to predictably and effectively reach our goals, we need to have a motivator in place pushing us forward. If we do not put this in place, our results will be sporadic and unpredictable. If we attach consequences and rewards to our goals and are committed to following through on implementing them based on our performance, we will have a fire lit within us pushing us forward towards creating the life we desire. 

 

To get started, we need to find something you really want everyday. Maybe it is a special type of food, or checking your emails, or hey even brushing your teeth. Whatever it is, it needs to be something that you just can’t do without and would do anything to have it. Now what you do is attach this thing you want most of all to the goal you have. Here’s some examples of how this works. Let’s say you want to workout everyday and you also love to shower every day, you could decide that you can have a shower (reward) as soon as you workout for 15 minutes (goal). If you want to improve your relationship and you realize that you haven’t been telling your kids you love them, your could decide I can brush my teeth (reward) as soon as I tell my kids I love them (goal). 

The next step is to also attach a painful consequence to your goal if you don’t do it. By painful I don’t mean physical pain (that would be weird!), I just mean something that you don’t want that will drive you to take action on your set goal. Here are a couple examples. “I can’t have a shower (consequence) until I have exercised for 15 minutes in the morning (goal).” “I can’t check my e-mails (consequence) until after I have had my morning spinach smoothie (goal).” It is just attaching a consequence painful enough to motivate us to do whatever it is that we really want to do. 

Putting these rewards and consequences in place helps us to avoid being caught in the dream stealer trap of losing perspective because they help keep us focused on our long term desires rather than short term pleasures. We make it easier for us to take the small steps forward necessary to reach our goals than it is staying in comfortable complacency because the pleasure and pain that we have chosen for ourselves drives us to take those small steps. This is just awesome because it helps us to get out of our own way.

Principle in Action 

I had an inspiration that I should write a book book but I found it so difficult to get started and stay in momentum. I would start writing one day and commit to writing for 5 minutes every day. I would do awesome for a couple of days and then life would get in the way and I would have the same old excuses (not enough time, energy, knowledge…the list could go on and on) and I would stop. My progress was so slow that I remember thinking the book might be finished by the time I am 95 years old! Then I learned how to use bullseye times at the Master Your Power Within event and finally understood how I could set myself up to win by simply putting a bullseye time in place and attaching consequences and rewards to it. So that is what I did. I decided that I could have a shower after I wrote in my book. After I did this I remember one time it was about 10:30 at night and Andy came outside and saw me frantically writing in my book and knowing that I normally am not writing that late, he said to me “whatcha doing?”. I told him I am writing in my book because I really want a shower!

Even though putting bullseye times and rewards in consequences worked most of the time, I wasn’t perfect with it. I remember one time I didn’t write in my book and so I couldn't have a shower but I really needed to quickly run into Costco. So I threw my hair up in a ponytail, put on some clothes lying on the floor and ran out the door. While I was at the grocery store I saw someone that I know. At that moment, a mental checklist raced through my mind…"did I remember to put on deodorant, is my shirt clean, I think I have baby spit up on me, did I even comb my hair today?” Let me tell you my friends, it only takes a couple times of running into people you know while running through the stinky pants mental checklist before you are willing to do any goal to get a shower! No one wants to be the stinky, crazy hair lady! That is the power of this principle. When the consequence and reward are something that will really motivate us…we will do anything to get it done!

Let’s Make Sure We’ve Got it

• To predictably reach our goals we need to do it in small manageable steps
• Setting bullseye times are the most effective way to take small, predictable steps towards our goals
• For bullseye times to be effective we need to:
  1. Set one specific goal you want to accomplish (i.e.: I will make 5 sales calls daily)
  2. Set a start and end time of when you will do this everyday.
  3. Plan to work on it between 15 min to an hour. We are much more effective when we are working in a small burst of time.
  4. During your bullseye time you are taking direct action on the thing you want to accomplish. It’s not a time to plan or think, it is a time to do!
  5. Attach a pleasurable reward and painful consequence to doing your daily goal

Digging Deep

Now that we know this principle of bullseye times let’s put it into action in your life. Get a pen and paper or an electronic notebook and let’s get started! 

• What goal do you want to accomplish?
• What specific small daily step can you take towards this goal? (has to be something you can daily say yes I did it or no I didn’t do it)
• When are you going to start doing this every day? 
• How long will you do this for? (15 minutes to an hour is ideal)
• What pleasurable reward can you attach to it if you get it done?
• What painful consequence can you attach to it if you don’t get it done?

Now we know how to set specific, achievable goals and we understand how to break them down into small steps that we can take every day towards our goal. We also know how to set up the environment to win by putting in pleasurable rewards and painful consequences to help push us towards our dreams. I promise that when you put these things in practice in your own life, you will move faster towards the life you want to create. If you want help with becoming clear on your goals or setting specific goals in any area of your life; business, parenting, relationships, money or personal happiness click here to register for a complimentary coaching session.  

Please let me know know how using this process works for you and the successes you have had in moving towards your dreams. 

Much love,
Connie