CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT BY ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS

Life is a State of Mind

I remember vividly going through life feeling like something was wrong with me because I did not feel in control of my emotions.  I am a fairly passionate person, which although it can bring many blessings, it also requires temperance to be the person I want to be.  I recall feeling the massive ups and downs of my emotions that seemed to turn on a dime depending on the circumstances I was facing at any given moment.  If things were going my way…I felt happy and excited.  If things did not work out, I was disappointed, frustrated and angry.  The funny thing is that when I think back to that point in my life, it didn’t matter what circumstances I was going through, what truly mattered was the meaning I gave to the situation and how I chose to feel about it.  What do I mean?  I mean that sometimes the very same situation would happen but I would feel completely differently about it.  I think back to one time when my daughter Zoe was acting out and she hit me. I wanted her to be respectful and felt exasperated and frustrated when she lashed out at me. As much as I hate to admit it, I started asking myself questions like “why is she disrespecting me and being such a brat?” I recall another time when Zoe was doing the very same behavior but this time I was not angry or frustrated with her.  I was able to consequence her in a loving way and feel compassion towards her.  So what was different?  How could I feel and respond in a completely different way when the situations were the same? 

Why is it that we can at times go through challenging experiences and still have compassion, love,  faith and hope while at other times similar circumstances seem crushing?

I struggled for years trying to figure that out.  I wondered how I could be more loving with my husband and my children more consistently and how I could be more of the person I wanted to be no matter what was happening in my life.  I know that this life has ups and downs and I didn't want to only feel happy during the summers of my life.  I desired to have the capacity to enjoy the wintry seasons of trials that would inevitably enter my life.  I knew that this was critical to embracing a life of joy, authenticity and love no matter what circumstances the journey of life brought me. 

In my search for answers of how to create a more happy, more loving and more consistently incredible life I finally found the answer.  It was in a moment when I was at the Master Your Power Within event listening to Brandon Broadwater talk about what state of mind is and how our state of mind affects how we perceive and experience our life.  He described the ups and downs of emotions that inevitably happen if we do not manage our state of mind.  He then revealed the The Pillars of State that make all the difference.  Three pillars of state that help us to be in control of how we feel no matter what is going on in our lives.  As I listened to him describe the pillars over the course of an entire day I thought…I can do that.  A fire lit within me and I became willing to do whatever it took to be the person I wanted to be for myself, my Creator, and my family.  

Change Your Life by Asking the Right Questions

Although I wish I could go into depth about all of the three pillars, this blog is just not that long…unless you want to be reading all day. So I will do my best to share one of the pillars of state that has been pivotal for me and so many others.  The first pillar of state is quality questions. When I began to understand how much quality questions affect my life I started to understand how I could use the questions I asked myself to shift how I thought and felt about my life and began to experience the joy that comes with being more able to predicatively feel joy in my life. It didn’t mean that my life became full of fluffy bunnies and rainbows all the time. It did mean that when crap was hitting the fan, I could climb my way out of the storm and even feel joy in the center of crazy town circumstances.  

To understand quality questions, we must first understand a fundamental principle about our brain. Our brains are a loyal and diligent answering machine. If we ask a question to our brain, you better believe it will generate an answer. This can be a great asset when we are asking good quality questions, but what happens when we are asking ourselves poor quality questions? Have you ever had the experience where you made a mistake…a doozy of a mistake and you found yourself asking “what’s wrong with me?” What happens next? Notice how your brain seems to go into the filling cabinet of your soul and find every single thing you have done wrong since birth? 

So now that you know that your brain will answer any question you give it and you understand that it is right there at any time waiting to give you an answer.  Think about what kinds of questions you are asking yourself.  Are you asking yourself questions that build you and the people you love around you up or are you asking questions that foster doubt, fear and frustration?  Think back to when I began exploring state and I told a story of how I was responding to my daughter when she was acting out. When I was asking the question “why is she being a disrespectful brat?” what kind of answers do you think I got? Did these answers bring me closer to my daughter and the kind of parent I want to be? When I was able to be loving towards her even though she was acting out do you think the questions I was asking were different? What happens with our interactions with the people we love when we ask questions like “how can I be more loving” and “what am I grateful for about this person?” even when they might not be doing everything we want them to?  As Brandon Broadwater says "The quality of our questions direct the quality of our life." 

To understand this principle fully I would like to tell you a story.  It is one that is dear to me because it helped me to fully see how powerful this principle is and how it can either destroy or save lives.  Save lives?  Pretty tall promise isn’t it?  Well just listen to this story. To respect their privacy, I have changed the names of the people in the story. 

Kevin was married to his beautiful wife Emily and they had one child.  He was going to school and had everything going for him; a family that loved him, a home and the anticipation of a future career.  However even with all of these incredible things in his life he was depressed much of the time.  He had difficulty getting out of bed and wasn’t enjoying spending time with his wife and daughter in the way that he wanted to.  He was in a dark place that he did not know how to get out of.  He was considering throwing away the most precious gift the Creator gave him and was contemplating killing himself, leaving his young wife Emily widowed and his daughter fatherless.  This decision would change the destiny not only for himself but for everyone who ever knew him and most especially his family who loved him.  

Then Kevin made a decision that would change his life forever.  He bumped into a friend who seemed to have a light of hope and happiness within him that Kevin had not seen in himself for a long time.  He needed to know how his friend got it so he asked his friend.  His friend began to enthusiastically tell him that he learned the lessons that changed his life to create more abundance, happiness and purpose at an event called Master Your Power Within and he invited Kevin to go with him. Kevin reluctantly agreed. He had no idea how much that one decision would change his destiny. As he sat back at the event listening to the speaker with his arms folded to guard him from the possibility of hope, an arrow of truth hit his soul.  He sat up, began to pay attention and learned one of the lessons that would save his life.  One of the lessons Kevin learned that night was the power of poor quality questions and how they were robbing him of the life he wanted.  He learned how by changing the questions he was asking himself, he could change how he feels and could change the destination of his life.  

I caught up with Kevin years later and he shared that he is so grateful for the lessons he learned that day and for the principles that have shifted his life. He told me how he began applying the principles he learned at Master Your Power Within and that he started incorporating quality questions in his life by starting his days with “why is today going to be incredible” and implementing the pillars of state. He told of how these small changes completely shifted his state of mind from a place of contemplating ending his life to a place of joy that he had never before experienced.  Now Kevin has two more little ones that he gets to see a lot of because he is able to work from home helping others find the hope, joy and success that they want in this life.  

Now that you’ve heard that story do you think the quality of your questions change the quality of your lives?

What kinds of questions are you asking yourself…poor quality questions or quality questions?  

How would asking “what am I grateful for?” more often affect the quality of your life?

I know that quality questions and the other pillars of state have made a huge change in my life. As I pay more close attention to what questions I am asking myself I can more intentionally direct how I am feeling and how I chose to react. I know that you are a person of action because you are reading this blog so my challenge to you is to begin asking yourself at least one quality question first thing in the morning every day.  I know that as you include more quality questions in your own life, you will experience my joy, happiness and results that you desire. I would love to hear what you notice so please leave comments and share your experiences with us. 

Much love,

Connie