Every year especially around the beginning of January, our hearts turn to what we want to be different in our lives. This type of reflection might come in the form of a resolution, after the loss of someone we love, or in the everyday reflection of the soul. However it comes about, it is the moments when we reflect on the successes, failures and things left undone in our lives. In some ways this type of resolution for change has gotten a bad rap. I’m guessing that this is mostly because overly crowded gyms tends to have a quiet time around February 1st when the resolution exercise buffs have run out of steam and motivation. This doesn’t just happen in the gym though. Have you ever had a desire to change something in your life, set a goal and been really committed to making that shift for the first couple weeks and then for one reason or another….(not enough time, money, desire to get up early) and your commitment toward reaching your goals diminishes? Have you ever wondered what it is that helps some people achieve their goals while others give up on the dreams they once held?
In the past I often pondered this universal mystery…by pondering really I mean beat myself up emotionally about why I couldn’t reach my goals. I’ll never forget the ease of burden and shame when I finally understood what principles and tools support us in reaching our goals. I began to understand what I was missing in my life and the simple steps I could take to change things so that I could create the life I want. I would like to share this with you today.
Before we go into that just yet I would like to tell you a story. This is a story about a man named Peter Kinch who I interviewed years ago. I love this story because it has been so essential in understanding how real change works. Peter was a very successful business man in the real estate industry. He had dabbled for years making some investments on the side and one year the market shifted and he lost everything. Not only did he lose everything but he ended up owing a great deal of money. Peter told of how this was very difficult for his family and he shared one particularly challenging story that brought tears to my eyes. He told of how during their financial downfall his wife went to the store to buy diapers. She was at the checkout paying and as she ran her bank card through the machine she was shocked and embarrassed to find that there were not enough funds in her account. At that moment she realized that she did not have enough money to buy diapers for her baby. Devastated she went home empty handed and faced her husband to tell him the story. In that moment he was faced with the knowledge that he could not provide enough money to buy diapers for his child and that his wife was under a tremendous amount of stress because of their financial situation. He was at a turning point in his life. He looked in the mirror and there were only two choices he could make. He could face himself in the mirror and say “what is wrong with you, how could you be such a failure.” or he could get back up, dust himself off and say “how can I make things better for my family.” He chose the second option and got to work searching for ways to make things better for his family. He got outside his comfort zone, worked hard, was committed to paying off their debt and changed their financial situation completely around. He went from being someone with no money to pay for diapers to someone who is extremely well off financially. So what was it that shifted things for Peter? Was it the opportunities that were put in front of him or was there something deeper going on? Was it him?
Why do I tell you that story? I tell you it because it illustrates how change needs to come from within us. When we truly change, there is a fundamental shift that happens to us. Something that no one can take away, not one can give to us, and that makes a shift in us that is forever. Our capacity changes, our heart changes and we become more than who we were before.
Before we dive into the steps we can take to create lasting change in our lives, I would like to ask you to think about a question. What is one thing that you want to change in your life? One thing that would make you even happier or bring you closer to your full potential? Maybe it is strengthening a relationship, maybe it is enjoying a healthier body or mind, maybe it is changing your financial situation or feeling more peace in your life. Please take a moment to think about it and find the one thing that you would be willing to do anything to have. Got it? Okay now I would like you to think about that one thing that you would like to change and write it down in way that is specific and that would allow you to easily say “yes I reached it” or “no I didn’t reach it”.
Goal Stealers
So now that you have your goal in mind let me ask you a question. Have you ever wondered what gets in the way of reaching your goals? There are three things that predictably block our path towards our goals if we are not aware of them. When we know what they are, we can see them coming and move on to make the changes we want. Imagine that you are at the starting line of the most important race of your life…the race towards your ultimate potential. There are three large pieces of ribbon blocking your path towards the race track. You try to break through them so you can begin your journey towards your ultimate potential but you can’t. They are holding you back and every time you step forward, you push them to their limits and then they spring you back to where you were before. You think you are stuck and there is no way around them. You begin to feel like the race is hopeless and that you should just take off your running shoes and head home to sit on the couch of mediocrity, however something inside you tells you that if you just move forward with the tools you need, you will be well on your way towards reaching your dreams. You realize that if you just knew what was holding you back, you would be able to bust through them.
Today I will reveal the the three dream stealers that hold us back and the six steps we can do to overcome them in any area of our lives.
The three dream stealers are perspective, pride and hopelessness.
Loss of perspective is a dream stealer because it can cause us to forget what we want and why. The dangerous thing about perspective is that when we are out of momentum even just a little bit, our perspective slips. I remember a time when I was focused on eating healthy foods and so the snacks and treats we had in the house were all healthy. I was committed to date balls and green smoothies but then Thanksgiving came and I overindulged in turkey and cheesecake. After that I wanted cheesecake everyday. I began to lose sight of my desire to eat healthier and my short term pleasures became more important. I had lost perspective.
Pride is a dream stealer because it can cause us to fall into the “all or nothing” thinking trap. This trap tricks us into thinking we have to be perfect to start and stay in the race. It allows us to beat ourselves up emotionally when we have made a mistake or when things are not changing as quickly as we would like. It is what keeps us focusing on our shortcomings rather than learning from them. It stops us from asking for help from our Creator and the people around us who can support us in overcoming the challenge we face and keeps us stuck in it.
The last dream stealer that can block our path in the race towards our potential is hopelessness. When we give into the other two of pride and loss of perspective we can begin to give up hope and feel like nothing will work anyways. This dream stealer can cause us to stop trying and settle for a lesser version of the life we could be living.
Okay now that you know the dream stealers and you understand how they can block our path to our potential, what can we do to overcome them? It’s simple really. There are 6 steps that has helped me to be able to stick with my goals and when I use them, I am able to be in for the long haul. Before I understood them...I was a wee bit on the flaky side of the line but after I learned them, I could predictably reach my goals. Here they are...
Creator
Heart
Action
Need to
Get back up
Excel in Kaizan
1. Creator
Yes it’s an acronym…I kind of love them because they help me to remember. So what does it mean? Well let’s break it down. Creator means that in order for us to truly change, we need all the help we can get. Sometimes the things we need to change in our lives can feel overwhelming and we wonder if we have enough strength to really make the shift. When we go to our Creator for help and express our desire to make changes, say we are sorry for the things we have done in the past that we know are wrong and ask the Creator for help…we will get it. We will get help in many ways and when we are reaching for our goals, we will be lifted by something greater than ourselves. Sometimes when I have tried this I have felt kind of silly expressing my desires and asking for help. I have thought at times “does the Creator really care if I eat a little too many Chocolate Chip Cookies? Doesn’t he have bigger things to worry about.” Then I realized that the Creator does care, because I care. He wants to help us reach our full potential and that includes working towards whatever dream is important to us. So let’s not do it alone…lets get divine help in being lifted towards our potential.
2. Heart
Okay now that we are working as a team with the Creator the next step helps us to be open to inspiration and help from those around us. It is a change of heart. This really means having a true desire to make the changes and having a willingness to give up everything to do it. Even pride. Why do I say pride? As we talked about before, pride is one of the dream stealers because it can cause us to fear failing and cause us to give up. It can sneak into our race towards our potential by saying things like “well now I’ve totally messed up…I might as well give up because this is not working anyways.” When we let pride be more important than our dream, our fear of failing or asking for help becomes more important than our potential.
3. Action
The next step in change is one that seems pretty straight forward but often gets missed. True change requires action. If we want something to be different, we must desire different things, think and act differently. Ever wonder why we can’t lose weight by sitting watching t.v. eating popcorn? Well this is it. Change requires action and often it is the small simple actions that make all the difference. As an ancient American Aboriginal person put it “It is with small things that great things come to pass.” So it is with our lives. Take a step forward…even after two steps back and it is still progress!
4. Need To
The next piece to the change puzzle is ‘need to’…what does that mean? Well it means that we have a true desire to change. It means that we have come to a moment in our lives when we can not stay in the status quo, when mediocrity no longer is an option and when some drive within us lights a fire in our soul to do whatever it takes to change. Sometimes this is a defining moment in time like going to the doctor and finding out that if we don’t lose weight, we’ll die or maybe it is a defining moment in a relationship when we realize that if things do not change we with lose the person we love, or maybe it’s a defining moment within our soul where we just know that things need to be different. However it comes about, it is shift in our motivation to do anything to accomplish what we set out to do, a hope in knowing that it’s possible to succeed.
5. Get Back Up
Now why is getting back up in the process to change? Um because we all fall down as we are moving towards our potential! Ever met a baby who popped out running? Nope because as babies we needed to get strong enough and learn some things before we can learn to run. Now when a baby does begin to learn to walk it is it a get up once and start walking? No way! Babies spend so much time practicing…falling down…getting back up…wobbling and finally walking. If that is how we all learn then why do we expect that when we become adults we can just do things perfect the first time? That is a crazy notion when we really think about it. When we try something new it feels awkward, we feel like we suck a little at it, we feel self conscious and we fall down. Although this doesn’t feel good, it is actually a really good thing because it means we are growing, we are getting stronger and our capacity is increasing. It takes more muscles emotionally, physically and spiritually to fall down and get back up than it does to simply stay up. So let’s redefine success. Success is getting back up fast!
6. Excel in Kaizan
Excel in Kaizan. This is one of my favorites. Kazan is a Japanese word that means seeking for constant improvement. When we are constantly seeking to improve we naturally give up our pride and fear of failure and we allow ourselves to be embraced by a desire to grow, strengthen every area of life and a commitment to strive. In a future post we will dive in even deeper about how to effectively move towards our goals in small daily steps.
So now that we have gone into depth about the things that can block our dreams, the steps of change and what specific things we can do to move towards our true potential let’s dive deep. I encourage you to write down your answers to the following questions. When we apply what we are learning to our own lives, that is when we truly get results.
These principles in real life
As you have probably guessed, being healthier has been one of the goals I have had for a long time. I would often start an exercise or weight loss program only to feel frustrated at myself and my lack of results and find myself hiding in my pantry eating chocolate chips and thinking to myself “this is never going to work anyways.” All of the things that can hold us back…lack of perspective, pride and hopelessness were all guests at my chocolate indulging parties and soon after I would give up and stop trying to change. That is until I began to apply the principles of C.H.A.N.G.E.
Things began shifting for me when I realized that I was not were I wanted to be health wise and I looked at my husband who was not in the healthiest state of being and I realized that if our family continued going down the path we were headed, I would lose him. I went to my Creator and expressed a desire to learn to change, my heart softened and I became willing to do anything to make the shifts necessary to get my family on the track towards health. I began by taking action and joining the Healthfix program so I could get support to learn how to cook and eat in a healthier way. I even learned how to make healthy treats...like raw chocolate turtles so I could make lasting changes because let's face it, I was not willing to give up chocolate! My need to change became greater than my need to stay in my comfort zone of eating the way I always had. This does not mean I am perfect. I fall down and indulge in unhealthy treats and pizz sometimes but I get back up and know that this is all part of the process. I don’t have to be perfect…as Kristen Harris once said I need to be “perfectly striving.” Since making these changes in the last month everything has changed. In a few weeks being on the program my husband Andy has lost 25 pounds, I have lost 5 pounds, my skin is healthier, I have more energy…and patience with my kids, and we are on a path that we feel excited about towards even better health. We are committed to making the changes for the long term while enjoying the ride.
Let’s make sure we’ve got it
We’ve covered a lot so far so let’s review to make sure we’ve got it.
- Change comes from within
- There are three things that hold us back in our goals towards our full potential
- lack of perspective
- pride
- hopelessness
- There are 6 steps we can take towards creating lasting change
- Creator
- Heart
- Action
- Need to
- Get back up
- Excel in Kaizan
Digging Deep
What is one thing you want to be even better in your life?
Why is this important to you?
If you do not change this one thing in the next year or 5 years how would that affect you?
What are you willing to do to make this change in your life?
What is one thing you can do to make a step towards this change in the next 24 hours?
I know that when we are aware of the things that can stop us from moving towards our goals and we take the steps forward in C.H.A.N.G.E. we will create the shifts we want in our lives. We will experience abundance in all areas of life and we will be able to move towards our dreams in a way that is sustainable and effective.
If you would like support in moving towards your dream, I want to support you as much as possible so I have personally arranged for an incredible person who is an international speaker and coach to give you a personal coaching session (worth over $500) to help you with any area of your life you want even better results in…finances, relationships, business or personal happiness. If you want this gift click here to get started. I promise it will help. I would love to hear your comments about your lesson about what I have talked about and about your dreams and how you are going to take small beautiful steps towards them.
Much love,
Connie
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